Rachelle Arlin Credo
Mark Blickley
Jennifer Coffey
José Langlois
Rebekah Frumkin
Claire Love
David Gruber
Kristen Depken
C. Cay Cary
Joe Coale
E. Robert Morse
Emily Diaz
Estefán Gargost
William Burns
Krystyna Kouri
Pam Cole
Ruhe T. Gutes
Michael Mayhew
Michael Grimaldi
Jenny Balisle
Monica Hernandez
J. Morse

Excerpt from "A Nasty State of Mind"

I never liked grown-ups when I was a child. Their smiles were condescending and condescension is an evil human trait, the manifestation of the arrogant self-image of superiority that leads to prejudice, hatred, xenophobia and inevitably flows into or in some cases stems out of - as a defense mechanism - self loathing and insecurity. That’s why the young child, painfully shy but endowed with a sixth-sense sensibility, hides behind his mother’s leg peering out fearfully, crippled by mistrust and waves of subtle perceptions, stammering and stuttering and, at last, giving up and hiding, cowering from a sugary grown-up smile.

I went to a funeral for a friend. I came home for the funeral. Grew up in a small town with him. The mothers were best friends, single mothers now and then, between marriages. As toddlers, boys, teenagers, barely adults. Fought each other, kicked, punched, wrestled, shared first experiences, kisses with girls, trouble at school, sex with girls, psychedelic trips, loss of fathers, friends, lovers, illusions. Poor, sharing hand-medown clothes from bigger kids in school, odd summer jobs, small apartments, rusty cars, arrests, taken home by crying mothers, school detention, goofing on teachers, fishing trips high on acid and pot, talk of dreams and wouldn’t-it-be-great-ifs.

He fell and I rose after adolescence. His fall was hard and steady and I feel guilt sometimes, like I could have done something to help, but guilt is condescension so I am matter-of-fact. I say I rose because I went to college and people said I did well and was smart. That kind of thing. He failed a lot. At school, jobs, anything that required doing what they want you to do. He sold drugs and even in that he failed in the end.

He fell and I knew it was happening. But it was subtle and real life is subtle, not what you read in books.

Joe Coale
Easton, Maryland
joecoale@verizon.net

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